So you've probably seen on my Instagram that I've been uploading a lot of these images and going on about how much I love them. Well it's true. I do love them. I never really thought I'd say that about pictures of myself. If you know me you know I always have something negative to say about my appearance or apologise to people for the way I look. I'm sure I'm not the only human being who does this but isn't it a crazy thing to do? So why do we do it?
I guess it's like a defence mechanism. Apologising for the way I look allows me to point out my flaws before anyone else can and it's a way of letting them know that I know it's there. For instance, apologising for a blemish is my way of saying 'yes I know I have a spot on my face and I know you can see it too'. But why should I apologise for this, I haven't hurt anyone, I'm essentially saying sorry for not looking the way others expects me to.
"Marketing campaigns tell us on a daily basis that we are not good enough, smart enough, slim enough, fit enough or pretty enough," says psychotherapist Emmy Gilmour, director at The Recover Clinic. "We are being taught to nurture an internal bully – because we view ourselves as inadequate, we consistently ‘apologise’ for what we assume are universally acknowledged misgivings."
I noticed the other day when someone asked me 'What do you wear at a wedding when you're doing the hair and makeup' and I explained that I wear what I want and pointed at the outfit I was wearing (ripped dungarees and a casual top). When they looked me up and down with nothing to say, I suddenly felt like I wasn't wearing the right outfit for my job and started to explain that it was because I'm too lazy or it's too early to put on anything nice. But that's not true! I see myself as an artist and I'd wear the same clothes to sit and paint in. And I obviously like what I'm wearing else why would I be wearing it.
When Nadia Meli asked to take my picture I was really nervous as a couple of people had said to me 'But why does she want to take your picture?' Whenever people say this to me I automatically say 'Oh I think it's just because of my hair', like there's no way they want to take my picture for the way I look, it's all about my hair.
But when I got to Nadia's she was talking to me about a video she had just made about being perfect and how perfection doesn't exist and it made me think about all those times I make excuses for myself because I don't think I fit in with societies rules. So yes, I do love these pictures of me and it's fine for me to say that. I'm going to try and stop apologising for the way I look or making excuses for myself and so should you!
Photos by Nadia Meli
Hair and Makeup by Me